unsure how long i was blankly staring at this
i made some muumuu house illustrations
woke up hungover at 1 pm to rush limbaughs voice coming from my alarm clock. laid in bed for about 30 minutes listening to rush limbaughs voice without understanding any of the words. got on the train below my apartment, sat on it for 20 minutes, walked 4 blocks and went into an NYU building. looked at my email. took an elevator to the 8th floor and found room 822. someone named ‘erika’ was expecting me, she already knew my name. she took me into a room that said ‘research’ on the door. she put two sensors on each my hands, on the underside, and i sat with my hands on the table, underside up. she asked me to breath deep. something wasn’t registering properly. she kept hiring the voltage on the electrode shocks, asking every time to let her know when it felt uncomfortable. it started to feel like my veins were going to explode in my right arm. i told her that. she said the equipment was malfunctioning, gave me $10 and encouraged me to come back another time. i walked outside and sat in the park. kept staring at a bird in a way that felt like i was staring past the bird. thought about how the way pigeons walk should be illegal. felt insane. got on a bus going to harlem. got off the bus at 46th street and walked to a thrift store in hells kitchen. i was in the thrift store for about 45 minutes. bought a lorrie moore book on the 3rd floor and a beetle juice shirt on the 2nd floor. spent $2.16 total. it was raining when i got outside. stood under an awning for a minute. said ‘seems like its always raining when i come here’ to a lady standing next to me and was surprised how loudly she laughed. thought ‘i can create reactions from people when i say things out loud’ and then walked into the rain. briefly felt indecisive about what to eat before deciding not to eat anything. got on the train and went home. read 170 pages of ‘taipei’ by tao lin in my room until 4 am then i wrote this.
watching something explode inside a stadium